Sometimes, everything can break your heart

9 Sep

Stress and expectations don’t bother me.

People do.

I hate sometimes, when I hand over my trust, when I say, hey I believe that you can look after your own shit. You’re capable. You know what you’re doing. I trust you.

Or, I care about you. I want only the best for you. I hope you feel that way too.

Then when you find that trust betrayed, what do you do?

You remember that it’s OK to trust people. It’s not OK to put your trust IN them.

Because people are people. They’re fallible. They make mistakes. They say things they don’t mean, they’re hurtful to you when they shouldn’t be, they’ll carry a grudge against you without even telling you what caused the grudge in the first place. They let you down. They lie. They turn their backs on you. They hurt the people you love most, which hurts you too in the bargain.

Because, for some unfathomable reason, hating and treating each other like crap is easier to do than caring or being good to them. Now I don’t equate being good with being nice. Sometimes, when my friend needs a frank verbal slap, I give it. Or when a guy is clearly interested in me and it’s unrequited, a hard letdown can sometimes be kinder than being nice and unknowingly leading him on. Like a friend of mine who was heartsick over a girl who was too chicken to just let him know “I am not, and never will be interested in you.”

It hurts to be let down. But it hurts more to nurse each grievance, each slight, each failure.

Because at the end of the day, you want the people you hurt to get past what you did. To forgive you. So it just makes sense to give that privilege right back.

“To err is human. To forgive, divine.”

And maybe, maybe I just want to feel a little godly sometimes.

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