O heart, I’m sorry, forgive me do

11 Nov

…for everything I put you through.

I give up.

I’m tired.

Sick of it, weary of caring, just too damn strained.

I remember Karcy commenting that nothing seems to affect me as much as my relationships.

So it’s really no suprise that I crumpled into a sobbing wreck when the boyfriend said that after he’d made sure I was settled, taken care of, financially secure and safe from harm and persecution…we’d part ways.

And then he spent the next hour attempting to convince me he was just kidding.

Then after I’m somewhat composed, I call up a friend who I was supposed to see (until I got waylaid by stupid boyfriend’s joke) and friend is all concerned, even offers to bring chocolate.

Perfect. So I think some good might come out of this night…until it starts to rain and friend pleads for rain check because it’s a nice rainy night to sleep in, and I would have agreed if it wasn’t the fourth fucking time we rescheduled.

I just said, “OK, I’m not calling you anymore. Next time you want to hang out, it’s going to be you calling because I just can’t take being put aside anymore.”

I know it’s not supposed to be personal.
But how am I not supposed to take it personal when you say you’d rather sleep in than come over?

Don’t set me up to hope and then dash my tiny expectations to shreds.

I’m feeling whiny, emo and generally belligerent towards the Y-bearing members of humanity. Exceptions being my father, brothers, Wrimos. And one amoeba.

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