Yes, I do declare a moratorium

19 Jan

I’ve never had this lack of ache for dalliance
To let go and let God in ways I have never even imagined

Yes, I declare another one. Funny how just 2 weeks after I declared one privately in November, I got entangled with MFM. That was a straight collision with pain – bad timing coupled with great chemistry equals a messy explosion. And I’m still feeling the fallout.

So I’ll make it public. I’m not looking. I’m tired. I need my friends. People I trust. People whose best interests don’t lie in lying to me or telling me what they think I want to hear.

Because one of the things I’ve always asked my friends for is that they tell me what I need to hear. Bitter truth served in a cup of love is better than honey-laced poisonous lies.

No, I’m not looking. No, I’m not closed off either. But I still hurt; I’m still raw. I can’t trust anyone with my feelings besides those who already own my heart. So afraid. And my heart would run away, and if I forced it, all it would do is plead PleasePleaseDon’tHurt Me.

Moratorium ~ Alanis Morissette

I’ve never been this accountable-less and within
I’ve never known focuslessness on any form

I’ve never had this lack of ache for dalliance
To let go and let god in ways I have never even imagined

I declare a moratorium on things relationship
I declare a respite from the toils of liaison
I do need a breather from the flavors of entanglement
I declare a full time out from all things commitment

I’ve never let my grasp soften fingers like this
I’ve never been careless other-less like autonomy’s twin

I declare a moratorium on things relationship
I declare a respite from the toils of liaison
I do need a breather from the flavours of entanglement
I declare a full time out from all things commitment

Ah to breathe
Stop looking outside
Stop searching in corners of rooms
Not my business or timing
Ahhh

I’ve never known freedom from intertwining
I start again this time for keeps in my skin I’m residing

I declare a moratorium on things relationship
I declare a respite from the toils of liaison
I do need a breather from the flavors of entanglement
I declare a full time out from all things commitment

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