There is no halfway

14 Apr

Into my second week at work, I’m coming to realise the enormity of the tasks ahead of me. That even though public relations and journalism are related fields, I am still starting over. There is still so much for me to do and so much distance I need to traverse before I get to the guideposts set for me.

And before I even reach those guideposts, I know they will be moved even further.

Some days, like today, I feel thankful for my past experience. Things gelled together, ideas sparked and I felt the corporate drone’s equivalent of ‘being in the zone’.

But yesterday, I felt so ill-equipped and lost. Things that are so simple and routine for most PR practitioners seemed beyond me and I felt overwhelmed by my inexperience. I realise with every day how much I took for granted when I was a journalist and now I’m on the other side, I find it harder than I thought to show the care and meticulousness needed to do my job well.

I had a sad few minutes of staring at the screen, feeling as lost as a child on the first day of school. “God, I suck.”

But the pity party ended the next day and I decided to just buck up for the tasks to come. My plate will soon be overflowing at work, something my boss has given me due warning about.

Frankly, I’m terrified. But I’m also stubborn as heck and with a tendency to get over my phobias by just facing them. That’s how I got over my fear of the dark, of traversing a city alone, calling people on the phone, public speaking and heights. Whatever you’re most afraid of, I find, is what you need to tackle first. Now my biggest challenge is letting go of my fear of depending solely on God and not my own abilities.

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