Tell me what I want

5 Jun
so confused

Image by rachel sian via Flickr

After a long drawn out conversation over good food, I’ve realised that I need to start figuring out what I really want.

Part of me thinks I should just let go of my wants and needs, hoping for the best.

But if I don’t know what I want, or what I don’t want, I’ll end forever coasting on the seas of indecision.

First off, what I don’t want:

  1. I don’t want a house just yet. Until I have enough of a nest egg, a mortgage is just too much commitment.
  2. I don’t want a relationship…for the sake of having one. Flirting is fine, random innuendo perhaps, but I’m not the naughty kitty always wanting to play when she sees an enticing bit of string anymore. Read into that what you will.
  3. I don’t want to be so swamped with work that I forget the commitment I have to God, my loved ones and the things that make me happy.

What I do want:

  1. To figure out how best to serve with all God’s given me. Rather than beat myself up over and over again because I don’t feel I’m doing enough for God, I realise that maybe what He wants from me is just to do the best I can with all I can. Dear God, let that be enough.
  2. To keep writing and being a better writer, because above all things that is my true vocation. I can’t claim to make words sing but on good days I can make them hum in tune.
  3. To get to grips on my new day job and challenge myself to bring the best of what I am to the job instead of trying to be someone else. I don’t have to be a different person but just change the way I do things. David Lian’s been supportive, telling me to ‘just be yourself’. David’s not perfect but he takes his best traits and amplifies them enough they make up for any shortcomings. I’ll just need to remind myself that I bring a lot to the table too and I shouldn’t let my inexperience hamper my self-confidence.

I want to be a good person and be good at what I do. That’s it in a nutshell.

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