Blog Action Day: The fight for a greener M'sia

"Wow, the haze is pretty bad," said my companion on the train today. "Are the Indonesians burning stuff again?"

Looking out the LRT windows, I merely said, "It’s just pollution."

Just pollution. Perhaps I sounded blase but isn’t that the reality of city life?

All the cars on the road.

All the trash on the streets.

All the industrial waste and soon we’ll need to worry about nuclear waste as well, due to our government being hellbent on building a reactor whether we want one or not.

What about solar energy? Wind? Other means of renewable energy that doesn’t involve destroying the delicate balance of nature?

No, it’s the Malaysian way. We want things fast, cheap and regardless of the consequences.

If I ever have children or grandchildren, I shudder at the world I’m leaving behind for them. I imagine the building-high trash mounds of Manilla. The wasteland of Chernobyl. And I weep for the rainforests we have sacrificed to timber concessions, victim of our politicians’ greed.

Even the Maliau basin in Sabah isn’t spared. Despite it supposedly being a protected reserve, logging still goes on, encroaching on that precious space for the preservation of flora and fauna.

Meanwhile, neighbouring Sarawak is destroying people’s livelihoods to build dams.

It’s not about politics. It’s about understanding that our resources are finite. That there are things we throw away that we can’t replace easily or at all. The things we are doing to our land, to our country isn’t just affecting us but our neighbours as well. Indonesia’s rampant open burning practices pollute our air with haze. Likewise, our poisoning the ground water and decimating valuable green lungs has consequences.

Stop building all those damn malls.

Fill up all those condos instead of building new ones.

Tell your state reps/Wakil Rakyats that you’re not going to put up with pollution/nuclear reactors/hazards to health, safety and the environment.

Today is Blog Action Day and like many bloggers all over the world, I’m having my say about climate change. I say that we can do something about it.

So why don’t we?

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Blog Action Day: The fight for a greener M'sia

"Wow, the haze is pretty bad," said my companion on the train today. "Are the Indonesians burning stuff again?"

Looking out the LRT windows, I merely said, "It’s just pollution."

Just pollution. Perhaps I sounded blase but isn’t that the reality of city life?

All the cars on the road.

All the trash on the streets.

All the industrial waste and soon we’ll need to worry about nuclear waste as well, due to our government being hellbent on building a reactor whether we want one or not.

What about solar energy? Wind? Other means of renewable energy that doesn’t involve destroying the delicate balance of nature?

No, it’s the Malaysian way. We want things fast, cheap and regardless of the consequences.

If I ever have children or grandchildren, I shudder at the world I’m leaving behind for them. I imagine the building-high trash mounds of Manilla. The wasteland of Chernobyl. And I weep for the rainforests we have sacrificed to timber concessions, victim of our politicians’ greed.

Even the Maliau basin in Sabah isn’t spared. Despite it supposedly being a protected reserve, logging still goes on, encroaching on that precious space for the preservation of flora and fauna.

Meanwhile, neighbouring Sarawak is destroying people’s livelihoods to build dams.

It’s not about politics. It’s about understanding that our resources are finite. That there are things we throw away that we can’t replace easily or at all. The things we are doing to our land, to our country isn’t just affecting us but our neighbours as well. Indonesia’s rampant open burning practices pollute our air with haze. Likewise, our poisoning the ground water and decimating valuable green lungs has consequences.

Stop building all those damn malls.

Fill up all those condos instead of building new ones.

Tell your state reps/Wakil Rakyats that you’re not going to put up with pollution/nuclear reactors/hazards to health, safety and the environment.

Today is Blog Action Day and like many bloggers all over the world, I’m having my say about climate change. I say that we can do something about it.

So why don’t we?

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You don't just throw people away

Just when I think I’m walking away from theatre to concentrate on music and serious writing, the stage coaxes me back.

The best bit is being able to combine my love for music and story telling into helping get a play off the ground. It’s a scary yet exhilarating collaborative endeavour. It’s going to be a lot of hard work but I hope it’ll be worth it.

Right now, I’m dreaming up soundscapes in my head. I’m hearing the city, its voices and the music it plays. Feeling the rhythm, the beats and the ‘soundtrack’ of Kuala Lumpur. A city I love and loathe, own and disown.

Our director said something that I keep hearing over and over in my head, a refrain that still haunts me at night:

"You don’t just throw people away."

I know what that feels like – to be ‘thrown away’. Cast aside. Dismissed. Made to feel not good enough. So easily replaced.

It hurts. Part of getting over that is acknowledging the pain and purging the bile that threatens to accumulate in my throat sometimes. I spent half the year getting over someone I stopped seeing in January and right now am still dealing with the fallout of drama I didn’t expect to encounter. But that’s life for you. At least drowning myself in the arts makes me feel closer to whole.

Looking through YouTube for inspiration, I come across this song from Pasek and Paul’s song cycle, Edges. I love the show; its lyrics are fresh, its melodies fun and it makes me want to write my own songs for the stage.

The song Dispensable, though, is painful to listen to. No, not because it’s a terrible song. The lyrics just hit home far too easily.

"I hope that I won’t have to wait to heal. Until you feel as broken as I feel."

That’s the sad bit. I want to be OK. I want to just be over every hurt and heartache but healing takes time and sometimes, I don’t get a say over when I really will be OK. Time, I find, heals nothing. Dulls the pain, maybe. But time does not fix things. It doesn’t.

Wounds will heal when they heal and life, being the bitch it is, likes to rip wounds open before they get a chance to even scab over.

Dispensable

What hurts the most
is knowing that I love you more
than you love me.
So there’s nothing I can do,
though you say it isn’t’ true.
You wont have a discussion,
and you know the repercussions.
All of your reasons,
are easily defensible.
So you can cleanly walk away from me,
I guess I’m now dispensable

What hurts the most
is packing up a box of things
that once belonged to us.
Is the T.V. yours or mine?
Are you already feeling fine?
I don’t know what you’re thinking,
I start slipping and keep sinking.
I try to understand it,
but it’s just incomprehensible.
The one that you once loved is now alone,
accepting he’s dispensable.

Show me, feel something.
Let yourself scream.
Prove that this is harder for you
than you make it seem.
While I’m shattered,
you act happy to be free.
Say I mattered as much to you,
as you always will to me.

I hope that I wont have to wait to heal.
Until you feel as broken as I feel.

What hurts the most,
is watching you be done with me,
when I’m not done with you.
What will you tell your friends?
Is this how it really ends?
You’re adjusted and collected,
all together uneffected.
You found your solution,
you always were so sensible.
You never opened up enough to hurt.
And dared to be…
Dispensable

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You don't just throw people away

Just when I think I’m walking away from theatre to concentrate on music and serious writing, the stage coaxes me back.

The best bit is being able to combine my love for music and story telling into helping get a play off the ground. It’s a scary yet exhilarating collaborative endeavour. It’s going to be a lot of hard work but I hope it’ll be worth it.

Right now, I’m dreaming up soundscapes in my head. I’m hearing the city, its voices and the music it plays. Feeling the rhythm, the beats and the ‘soundtrack’ of Kuala Lumpur. A city I love and loathe, own and disown.

Our director said something that I keep hearing over and over in my head, a refrain that still haunts me at night:

"You don’t just throw people away."

I know what that feels like – to be ‘thrown away’. Cast aside. Dismissed. Made to feel not good enough. So easily replaced.

It hurts. Part of getting over that is acknowledging the pain and purging the bile that threatens to accumulate in my throat sometimes. I spent half the year getting over someone I stopped seeing in January and right now am still dealing with the fallout of drama I didn’t expect to encounter. But that’s life for you. At least drowning myself in the arts makes me feel closer to whole.

Looking through YouTube for inspiration, I come across this song from Pasek and Paul’s song cycle, Edges. I love the show; its lyrics are fresh, its melodies fun and it makes me want to write my own songs for the stage.

The song Dispensable, though, is painful to listen to. No, not because it’s a terrible song. The lyrics just hit home far too easily.

"I hope that I won’t have to wait to heal. Until you feel as broken as I feel."

That’s the sad bit. I want to be OK. I want to just be over every hurt and heartache but healing takes time and sometimes, I don’t get a say over when I really will be OK. Time, I find, heals nothing. Dulls the pain, maybe. But time does not fix things. It doesn’t.

Wounds will heal when they heal and life, being the bitch it is, likes to rip wounds open before they get a chance to even scab over.

Dispensable

What hurts the most
is knowing that I love you more
than you love me.
So there’s nothing I can do,
though you say it isn’t’ true.
You wont have a discussion,
and you know the repercussions.
All of your reasons,
are easily defensible.
So you can cleanly walk away from me,
I guess I’m now dispensable

What hurts the most
is packing up a box of things
that once belonged to us.
Is the T.V. yours or mine?
Are you already feeling fine?
I don’t know what you’re thinking,
I start slipping and keep sinking.
I try to understand it,
but it’s just incomprehensible.
The one that you once loved is now alone,
accepting he’s dispensable.

Show me, feel something.
Let yourself scream.
Prove that this is harder for you
than you make it seem.
While I’m shattered,
you act happy to be free.
Say I mattered as much to you,
as you always will to me.

I hope that I wont have to wait to heal.
Until you feel as broken as I feel.

What hurts the most,
is watching you be done with me,
when I’m not done with you.
What will you tell your friends?
Is this how it really ends?
You’re adjusted and collected,
all together uneffected.
You found your solution,
you always were so sensible.
You never opened up enough to hurt.
And dared to be…
Dispensable

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